Paula Houseman

The Poetic Slicence of Plastic Surgery

My, What Big Ears You Have! I love Matt Stone and Trey Parker, creators of South Park. I love their warped humour and their characters—foul-mouthed, politically incorrect bunch of yobs! I admire Stone and Parker’s ability to satirise. Apparently, I do a bang-up job of this myself, according to an Amazon Hall of Fame reviewer. … Read more

Are You a Kick-Arse Woman in Your Own Life Story?

Meet Ms Perfect … What woman doesn’t love the quintessential female protagonist? Who doesn’t aspire to emulate a wonder woman—a fit ’n’ healthy, perfectly-sculpted chick with an hour-glass figure (but leaning towards lean), lustrous locks, flawless skin, a sense of her own self, assertive in the boardroom, a tiger in the bedroom? A gal who … Read more

The Anatomy of My Weird Characters

I See Strange People Both my parents were immigrants. It was pretty much all they had in common—they lived together, but were poles apart. She was a staid walking cliché who struggled to live the Australian way; he thought he was living it because he could fart the national anthem. My father the patriot. She … Read more

Why It’s Time for a New Women’s Anthem!

I ♥ My Dirty-Girl Mouth I have a potty-mouth. It’s not a bad thing. For a long time, though, I was ashamed of what came out of my bazoo. Why couldn’t I be demure—ladylike, like the fairy-tale damsel? It’s not as if I didn’t try to make nice. We bobby-socked baby-boomers were groomed to. Still, … Read more

Why the Lure of Horror Is a Good Thing

A Nightmare on Overwhelm Street The man’s bloodied forearm dangled limply outside the door of his horribly smashed-up car. I slowed down to get a better look at this accident on the other side of the road. The drivers in front of me had also reduced speed, but the stretch ahead of them was clear. No … Read more

Why Obscenity Is Good for Your Health

Truth or Dare? Dare. I dare say we all crave obscenity. Ooh … I sense prudes mounting their high horses, shouting a spotless synonym for ‘bullshit!’. But that would indicate that they’ve opened up this post, which could indicate that they were unable to resist sneaking a peek at something that might be grubby. Why? … Read more

Why a Square Peg in a Round Hole Is the Ideal Fit

Here’s to the Crazy Ones! It was a small poster that came in the mail almost twenty years ago. Apple sent it to me because I was a true-blue Mac user. ‘Here’s to the Crazy Ones,’ it said. Woo-hoo! I felt buoyed, not because I liked being considered crazy—the poster wasn’t personal, although, it was … Read more

How I Deal with the Inner Critic

SHUUUT UUUUUUUP! Does that work for you? Mostly, it does nothing for me. Zip. Nada. Bupkis. The inner critic won’t listen. All writers have to contend with one, but writers don’t have the monopoly. This bitchy, nit-picking predator of the psyche doesn’t pick and choose. It assails everyone. I couldn’t silence mine—and I was loath … Read more

Sleeping with the Enemy? (Why It’s Worth It.)

Who’s Been Sleeping in My Bed? I’m sleeping with the enemy. And there’s more than one. Oh, I don’t know them in the biblical sense, and I haven’t seen them, as such. Then who are they? My personal demons, that’s who. Yes. I am in bed with my demons. United We Stand, Divided We Fall? … Read more

Going Down … Are You Doing It Regularly?

Down on Down We’re okay with ‘calming down’; we’re cool with ‘cooling down’; we’re hot on ‘going down’ —yeah baby!—and we rhapsodise about ‘falling in love’. Mostly, though, down gets short shrift. Up and Down Are Not in Opposition With our leaning towards one part of a pairing over and above the other part, up … Read more